insignificant

i will forever think way too much about everything. i've been questioning physical properties and theories of God's universe, that we like to call 'our' universe. i've been questioning God's entire plan and why it works, even worse - why it matters. i battle and wrestle and rack my brain over these questions that truly may never, and probably more truly, will never be answered, at least for the minds of men. and through all this, what do i get? peace. unimaginable faith and trust in God and His plan, and all things everywhere because He is the creator. i have no doubt that He is almighty and perfect. how can i question and have no doubt? in my brain this is an impossible situation, but i personally have experienced it, and know that only by the Spirit, by superatural occurence, can it be possible. i feel for john in luke 7 where he questions Jesus as the One, even after seeing the Spirit descend, and God the Father affirm. but my expectations and my understanding are insignificant. oh the joy i experience through my insignificance. how wonderful to worship and serve a God worth serving and worshiping. how could He be great if the weak minds of men could define Him by the terms He gave us in the first place? would this not give us power over Him? do we not feel power over everything we understand and can explain? i.e. science. but nothing has power over my God. not only can we not define Him, but only through Him can we be defined. great joy comes to those who hold fast to the only One capable of holding all of our weight. my foundation is a rock that doesn't move, it will never move.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foVpu6Ornw8

glorious super bowl

i really wanted the cardinals to win the super bowl. i cheered hard, i was into the game, and i really enjoyed it. it made me miss watching my dallas cowboys and i can't wait until next football season. it really was a great game, and a memory i will have for a while. but during it i had a moment of, "what is the importance of this, why do i care about this, wait, what does anything matter?" but now, since i've got my brain going a little bit, i realized how it brought so many people together in a time of shared experience. we talked, laughed, yelled, ate, drank, and enjoyed each other's company. everything is around for a reason and a part of God's plan. and because i know everything God creates is good, it means that satan, sin, and flesh only turn things evil. so yes, football, a silly game, can ruin lives - gambling, heavy drinking, depression, laziness, etc. - but maybe used as God intended in His plan, it brings people together and a little bit of God's glory shines. perfect example - i enjoyed the game with friends, and now i've just reflected on God because of it, or Him in it. see? God is awesome!

my soul will sing

i want my want to not be mine.
live my life, You've saved my soul.
but then You're me, i disappear?
or am i me, and You are near?
i pray, not for understanding, but peace;
not to know, but to be.
i pray my prayers would pray Your voice;
for words and ways of Your choice.
light me up, but bring me black.
fuel my soul - make me whole.
throw me at the people in the pyre.
ignite me with Your burning fire.
Holy Spirit capture me.
swallow me, become my breath.
speak for me and be my eyes.
clear my ears to hear their cries.
call the lost. make them see.
free them from the devil's hold.
i'll never understand Your plan.
give me strength; in You i stand.
the death, the blood, the white, the life.
my reason, way, and path You guide.
a servant's heart, create in me.
the Servant's heart created me.
thank You, praise You for Your grace.
a faithful life i will not waste.
give me pain and suffering
and for You my soul will sing.
worship and adore Your name.
infinite, unchanging hand.
give me joy, summer, spring
and for You my soul will sing.

tattoo

i've always known i enjoyed seeing tattoos on people. i want to know their story and look up close. i am actually fascinated with beautiful, unique, meaningful tattoos. when a great one catches my eye, i can't look away. but i was brought up where most people around me - close family - were tattooless and not too fond of the art. so i've had this 'tattoos aren't for me, but i love them for other people' mindset. well i love tattoos and i want some. i don't care if people stereotype tattoos because stereotypes are as stupid as they think tattoos are. and if my Lord is coming back with some awe inspiring body art on his leg, then i will be in glorious company.

close

i've been listening to a lot of driscoll lately, and something he said got me thinking. he was talking about the questions he gets that you can text message in and he answers, and how they are often focused on how close the person can get to sin before they sin. "is this okay to do?", "but what if i'm doing it this way?" or "is it still sin if my heart is feeling like this?" though i know Christ fulfills the law everyday in my place, it seems that me and the people i know walk on the edge of this line of what is and isn't sin as well. mark driscoll said that we wonder how close we can get to sin when we should be seeing how close we can get to Jesus. obviously it spoke to me because i thought about it all day. i love it. we need to stop worrying about what is and what isn't a sin, and focusing on details, and trying to figure out if what paul said was only aimed at that culture, or if those things still apply....blah blah blah. just get close to Jesus. He overcame the world, He saved us, He wiped our sin away, He made us clean and new, He adopted us, He called us, He loves us, He is what we should be getting close to. where can sin be when we are in the embrace of our Rock? as far as the east is from the west.

jason the baptizer in the river san marcos

even though i just created a blog and should be super happy and posting 3 times a day, this is only my second post. but you can only write something you think is meaningful every now and then, right? onward! praise God, I was baptized on sunday. it was amazing. yeah its just a half second dunk under murky river water where you almost take your pastor downstream and drown and are never raised to walk...but it isn't. it was the most amazing, spirit-filled event in my life. the coolness of the water; the cleansing; the words; the meaning; the symbolism. It is so joyful. even Jesus was baptized first thing! to feel like you are in the company of Jesus because you are participating in an event that you know He also participated in is sensational. the atmosphere of the experience was so beautiful. the calm river, interrupted by a small rapid, the trees, and the gravel beach was the perfect setting. not to mention 140 people thirsting to witness the public professions of faith of the 10 of us. i mean, i was super excited about that, but imagine the multitudes heavenly hosts singing praise to God and giving glory to Him every time one of us was buried and raised to walk in the Spirit.
JOY. Jesus Occupying You. i think that is a great definition. you can use it if you like. but that is what I felt sunday, and what i have known since i have known the Messiah and he has known me. pure joy and the peace of God. i pray that if you have not experienced the joy of salvation, that He would call out to you, and that you would respond by letting Him take over your life. The bread of heaven has been broken for you, and the cup of salvation is held out to drink. drink up! (thank you charlie hall, and ultimately God, for that beautiful line.)

timely or late

so i decided to start a blog. i first felt like i was starting late. like i could never catch up, and my posts would always be behind. i know that doesn't make sense, but it is the way i felt. and i thought how many, including me, have a way of feeling like God is late. that he does things on His time, that which takes too long for us humans. well that doesn't make sense either. and so i said, 'nope, God is always timely and perfect', and if i am feeling a push to start a blog, then i will consider it timely. i always thought i could use myspace or facebook, perhaps a journal, to write these types of entries, but it never happened. it seems that the simplistic form of a blog, like my xanga way back, is the best way to have a simple online journal. but instead of a made up world, with a fantastical story about mercutio (me) and cordelia (jessica), i'm writing real things. real thoughts, real questions, and real happenings in my life. why do i need a fantasy world when i'm married to my soulmate and best friend in reality?

real life is better than dreams when you live a life in joy. joy in Christ is love. that constant joy, that peace of God that surpasses all understanding, that is how you really live. since when does it feel so great to fall and be broken to pieces? to be destroyed? to be wrecked and to die? when you fall on the rock, when you're rebuilt behind the cross, and when you die to yourself and live for Christ. I think it is pertinent that my first blog be centered on and founded in the Redeemer, the Forgiver, the Great Counselor. it is where i must wait, and on what i must rest. i want to stand behind the cross, write through the cross, and live in humble thankfulness for the cross.

therefore my blog is titled the lion and the light. He is not tame and He is not safe (if you're concerned about the safety of your 'personal life'), but He is good. He is the King. He is the LION. i see Him and i feel Him moving, but most of all through Him i see everything else. He is the Son. He shines, and through me i hope that he points to himself. i hope to be a ray or a beam that sources from and returns to Him. He is bright and He separates all from darkness. He is the LIGHT.